Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Why we are doing IVF

Where do I even begin? I have been wanting to blog about this for awhile but didn't know how to talk about it. It is a very personal issue, but something I want to get off my chest and be able to talk about because it has become a big part of my life. This blog is the journal keeping I do, and this is a large part of my life so I might as well blog about it.

I guess I could start with infertility sucks. Infertility is, hands down, the hardest trial I have ever gone through and probably will ever go through.  It's hard seeing all your friends, family, strangers get pregnant (and some by "surprise") when others are struggling with infertility and doing everything humanly possible to get pregnant and it not working. Don't get me wrong, I am so happy for my friends and family that are blessed with children, I just wish it was me. I wish I didn't have hundreds of doctors appointments. I wish I didn't have to get poked, prodded and tested. I wish I didn't have to take a ton of different hormones and medications. I wish all that poking, prodding, medications and hormones worked. I wish I could get pregnant. I know a lot of you are probably thinking I am crazy for wanting to get pregnant at such a "young" age, but it's what I've wanted since I was a child myself. I've always wanted to be a mom. I think that's why I enjoy nannying so much. I get to be the "mom" I can't be to my own children. Becoming a mom is so important to me that I will do whatever it takes. That's why we have decided to do IVF.

I guess I should start from the beginning. After a year of marriage Nathan and I decided we should start "trying." That was in January 2012. For some reason inside of me I thought it would take us "awhile" to get pregnant. And when I say awhile I thought six or seven months. So I thought we should start trying sooner rather than later. Well a year passed and I never got pregnant. In January 2013 we were living in Virginia and I scheduled an appointment with a fertility specialist. The doctor was nice and we began the testing in February. Both Nathan and I got checked out and everything came back normal, we fall under "unexplained infertility". I figured that would happen, we are both young, healthy people. My doctor scheduled us to do an IUI (artificial insemination) in March. March came and we did our first IUI and it ended in a negative. I was heartbroken because I really thought that would do the trick. Well we moved to Sacramento in April and were going to Uganda in June so I didn't meet with a new fertility specialist till after our trip towards the end of June. I like this doctor a lot more. She actually wanted to find out WHY I wasn't getting pregnant. She thought I had possible endometriosis on the bowel. I had a colonoscopy done, and no endometriosis could be found. I talked to my doctor and she said with the next cycle we will do another IUI. I was waiting for my period to come, but it never came! In September I took a pregnancy test and it was positive! We were over the moon happy. I got pregnant and without any medical help. It was truly a miracle. A couple of days before my first ultrasound I started to bleed. I knew that this was going to be it. I miscarried. The weeks following were the hardest of my life. I was so sad and mad. It took us 20 months to get pregnant with that baby, only for me to lose it. Why would Heavenly Father do this to me? Why would he take something from me that I have wanted and prayed for for so long? I knew that was the wrong attitude to have and I now look at the miscarriage as a blessing. I see it as Heavenly Father telling me I CAN get pregnant. He was telling me in His own way not to give up, this CAN happen, and will happen. Life went on and I had my second IUI in November, negative. My third IUI in December, negative. And my fourth and final IUI in January, negative. Two years of trying, a miscarriage and four failed IUIs, this is why we are doing IVF. I know IVF is a huge step, but it's something I think I need to do. I will do whatever it takes to get my baby in my arms.

I am sure some of you reading this (if anyone reads this little blog of mine) are asking yourselves, why are you blogging about this? I am not blogging about this because I want to pull the "woe is me" card, and make everyone feel bad for me. I live a blessed life and am happy. I am blogging about this because I know there are others out there suffering like I am. I find talking to others who are going through infertility really helps me. So I hope that I can help someone that is going through this as well.

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Christmas in Utah

This year for Christmas, Nathan and I met up with his family in Utah. It was my first white Christmas and I loved it! It was so fun spending time with family.

Christmas morning

Nathan got me the whole Harry Potter series!

Christmas socks! (name that show)

The cute newly engaged, soon to be married couple!

Christmas chaos!

Everything was frozen in Utah!

The winter wonderland at Grandma Patsys house.

Erin's bridal shower

Found this cute selfie of Joel and Grandpa on my camera, ha!

Making chapstick with all the girls in the family (ignore my crazy hair!)

Love my sweet neices

Selfie with Claire Bear

 Thrift shopping with the cousins

Roller skating with the cousins

Such a fun trip and now back to reality!

Fall in Sacramento

I have been so behind in blogging! I am not sure if anyone even reads this thing, oh well, I do this for myself anyway! In early November Nathan and I drove up to Apple Hill to enjoy the weather, eat some good food and look at the cute shops.

There were some fancy cars Nathan liked looking at

1. Apples galore 2. A fun candy shop

 1. A brussels sprout branch??! 2. Enjoying some apple strudel

 Me enjoying some GLUTEN FREE apple crisp!

Okay now for the crummy iphone pictures, I haven't been breaking out my camera enough lately! My parents made the trip up here for Thanksgiving and we LOVED having them here! It was so fun cooking for them.

Opening the Martinellis 

Nathan carving the bird

Thanksgiving dinner

BYU played University of Nevada so we made the drive up to Tahoe and stayed in a really cool ski resort. They had so many fun Christmas activities, including carolers, gingerbread houses, ice skating show and a gingerbread village unveiling! It was a blast.

We went out to eat and enjoyed a FOUR POUND burger.

Walking around Lake Tahoe

The football game, a very entertaining one!

Fall is beautiful in Sacramento!